I Can't

A speaker at a conference I attended a while back challenged us to replace "I can't" with "I choose not to."  Ouch!  

The reality is that 99.9% of the things we say we "can't" do are actually things that we choose NOT to do (that percentage is mine, not the speaker's, by the way!).  Perhaps the actual percentage of things we can't do is a bit higher that .1%, but I doubt it's much higher than that.  We all (and my hand is raised, too) have so many self-limiting beliefs that keep us stuck.  

For years I said that "I can't" stay on a diet and repeatedly told myself and others that I didn't have the willpower.  You know what?  As long as I kept telling myself "I can't", I didn't.  It wasn't that I truly couldn't do it, of course, because eventually I DID do it!  The truth was that I chose not to.

It was easier thinking that I couldn't do it rather than facing up to the fact that I kept choosing not to do it.  Thinking I couldn't kept me in a victim mindset - it really wasn't my fault because there was something defective in the wiring of my brain . . . or I somehow wasn't in line when willpower was passed out . . .   In my thinking at the time, I really wanted to, but I just couldn't do it.  That kind of thinking gave me permission to fail, so I failed again and again.  If we think we can't, we're right - we can't.  More to the point, we won't.

I'm talking to myself here, not standing on a soapbox preaching to others.  I still catch myself thinking that I can't do this or do that.  Sometimes I realize I say that out of fear of failure, sometimes it comes out of the fear of even trying.  It's much easier to say I can't and not even try than try and risk failure . . . but that's no way to live!  

When we decide that something is important to us, we WILL figure out how to get it done.  If we want it badly enough, we will make the choices we need to make to reach the goal we set.  We won't make those choices if the goal is merely something we think we should do, i.e., we know we should lose weight because our doctor had a stern talk with us.  However, once we decide that this is what we want, we not only realize that we CAN do this, but we also CHOOSE to do it.

In his wonderful book, "Dr. A's Habits of Health", Dr. Wayne Scott Andersen writes about making the fundamental choice to get healthy.  Once that choice is made, then we will choose to make secondary choices that support that fundamental choice.  When we do that, the "I can't" is replaced by "I choose."  In doing so, we discover strength we didn't know we had - it's a wonderful thing!

Have you made the fundamental choice to get healthy?  If so, take "I can't" out of your vocabulary because you CAN do this and you WILL do this - one day, one meal, and one choice at a time.  Choose wisely :-)

What's Your Perspective?

I heard a great story about the difference perspective makes.  According to the story, a man walked by a construction site and talked to three workers.  He asked the first worker what he was doing and the worker said, "I'm laying bricks."  When the same question was posed to the second worker, the man replied, "I'm building a wall."  The man then asked a third worker what he was doing and that person responded, "I'm building a cathedral."

Sometimes when we're in the throes of 5&1 (and sometimes it really feels like we're in the throes, which the dictionary defines as "intense or violent pain and struggle, esp. accompanying birth, death, or great change"), it's easy to see nothing but the brick in our hand.  We may not yet have a vision of building a cathedral, or that vision may have gotten clouded along the way.  Today may be a day when all you can see is the brick in your hand; the brick is heavy and dirty and you're aware of the mortar caked under your fingernails.  I've never laid bricks, but I can only imagine that it gets pretty monotonous after a while, and probably downright miserable on a hot summer day.  If a bricklayer can't see beyond the next brick going down, it must seem like a pointless and never-ending task.

Or perhaps you've moved beyond the brick and can see the wall you're building - you've been able to step back a bit and see that you've made some real progress.  That's a good thing!  The challenge is to not get content with a free-standing wall when what you are really building is a cathedral :-).  I've seen far too many people make great progress but stop short of their goal because they got a little too comfortable with where they were.  They were busy laying bricks for a while, then took a step back and realized that they'd put up an entire wall.  Instead of pressing on to finish their task, they spent too much time admiring what they'd done instead of staying focused on where they needed to go and what they wanted to build, and before long they abandoned the program.  It wasn't that they were unhappy with the progress they'd made, but they decided to settle.

You don't settle if you know you're building a cathedral.  You may just be in the initial brick-laying stage, or perhaps you've given yourself a minute to reflect on the wall that's gone up, but cathedral builders don't stop with a wall because they have a cathedral to finish!

What are you building today?  Do you have a vision of your finished product - a healthier you?  Your body IS a temple, your own living, breathing cathedral, if you will.  Don't stop before you make it as healthy and vibrant as it can possibly be.  If necessary, put together a storyboard of what you want your life to look like when you reach your goal - cut out pictures of people wearing the clothes you want to wear and doing the kinds of activities you want to do.  Put your storyboard someplace where you'll see it as a way of helping you to stay focused on what you're building, one day and one choice at a time.

Our perspective, like so many other things, is our choice.  Choose wisely :-)

Eating What We Want

A couple of days ago I blogged about choosing between eating what we want and wearing what we want.   One of my friends, who is successfully winning her own battle with obesity thanks to this program, has said that we can eat what we want AND wear what we want by bringing what we WANT to eat in line with what WILL further our weight loss and maintenance goals! She says, "I do eat what I want! I eat exactly what I want! But what I want is to eat what will bring me to my long-term goal of optimal health. So I have deliberately aligned my wants with my desires and goals for my life."

I love her perspective and her deliberate choice to align her wants with her desires and goals.  Getting into that mindset and getting to a point where we truly only eat what we want and only want what's healthy is a great place to be.

Here's my personal challenge:  Often I really DO want to eat is whatever is fried, high fat, high sugar, high carb.  Five plus years past goal, my fat girl taste buds haven't gone away.  I've heard people talk about how, after they reached goal, those old food items don't even sound good or taste good to them anymore.  I can't honestly say that.  If left to my own devices and if I chose to follow the dictates of my taste buds, I would probably choose a fried chicken leg and thigh over a boneless, skinless baked chicken breast every time.  I would go back to eating loaded baked potatoes and would keep baked goods in the house to satisfy my nagging sweet tooth.  I would order the 400 calorie coffee beverages at my coffee house.  Restaurant menus still look pretty good to me and there are times when I'm tempted to order a big plate of pasta swimming in a cream sauce.

So, to be honest, I don't just eat what I want because although those high fat, high carb, high sugar items may be what I want to eat sometimes, I want something even more than those things:  I want to remain thin and healthy.  What I may want to eat isn't always aligned with my goals, so it comes down to a constant need to make a deliberate choice.

That makes Maintenance a bit more challenging, to be sure.  But I'm sharing this to hopefully encourage you!  While I sincerely hope that your experience is more like my friend's because it will make those choices easier if you naturally gravitate toward healthy options, you can still be successful even if that's not your experience.

I still have to make deliberate choices every day and sometimes those choices aren't easy.  To support my long-term goal of staying healthy, I keep a "clean" kitchen and keep all of those unhealthy things out of the house.  I simply don't drink calories so even though those specialty drinks still sound good to me, I choose to not order them (I get an Americano with sugar-free syrup instead).  When I go out to a restaurant, I understand that the over-sized plate of pasta in cream sauce is brimming with calories and fat and low on nutrition and I know I'll feel sluggish after eating it, so I opt for a lean protein and vegetable/salad selection instead.

Because what I REALLY want is to stay thin, I want to be optimally healthy, I make choices that support what I want.  I don't want to settle for immediate gratification at the expense of my long-term goals.  It may not be easy, but it is certainly worth it!   Our choices matter, so choose wisely :-)

The Choices We Face

I love Facebook and often get inspiration for my blogs from reading the posts from my friends.  One of my friends posted a status update that absolutely inspired me - here's what she posted:  "I can eat what I want or I can wear what I want!  I can't do both.  Life is a choice.  I choose not to be obese ever again!" 

My friend nailed it!  Life is all about choices and as much as we wish we could "have the cake and eat it, too," the reality is that we can't.  Every choice we make has a consequence, good or bad.  

There may be a few fortunate people in the world who can eat whatever they want and stay thin (although I have learned that there is a vast difference between being thin and healthy - the two are not necessarily synonymous!), but let's face it.  The fact that we're here - and I do mean WE - means that we aren't one of those fortunate few.  Regardless of whether we started this program to lose 10 or 15 stubborn pounds or whether we needed to lose well over 100 pounds, we're all here because we simply can't eat what we want and still be at a healthy weight and in the size we want to be.

We can bemoan the reality of our existence, which will basically get us no where other than depressed at our situation and terribly envious of those fortunate few, or we can accept the fact that we will always have to make choices.

It's been over five years since I reached my goal, losing 126 pounds in less than a year, and I still have to make choices every day.  Those of you who've read my blogs for a while know I haven't done Maintenance perfectly and there are still days when I struggle to make the choices I need to make.  There have been times when I've made the decision to go back on 5&1 for a while to once again rein things in.  Part of my long-term strategy, still in process, is to make enough wise choices enough of the time so that I can maintain without having to resort to a mini-Medifast blitz.

That said, what I am realizing is that more and more my everyday choices are supporting my long-term goal of truly living in optimal health.  I know that I have to choose whether to eat whatever I want or to be able to wear whatever I want.  More important than my wardrobe selection, of course, is that I also have to choose whether I am going to eat whatever I want or choose to be healthy.  I choose healthy!

I can never go back to being 268 pounds.  I can never go back to the despair I felt at that weight.  I can never again put myself in a position due to my obesity and poor eating habits to reintroduce type 2 diabetes into my life.  

So I choose to eat healthy and to do the things I need to do to stay healthy.  I don't look at the fried, high-fat, high-sugar foods I used to inhale and think "I can't have those anymore."  Instead I think, "I can have them if I want, but I am choosing something healthy instead because I am choosing to be healthy."  There's no deprivation in that, just the recognition that I am making the choices that will get me what I really want.

You have the same choices facing you everyday, too.  Choose wisely :-)

Surviving or Thriving?

Are you surviving or thriving right now?  Losing weight and letting go of unhealthy habits isn't easy and sometimes it might feel like you're hanging on by a thread with the goal of just surviving another day on plan.   I completely understand that feeling, and there were days when I was on 5&1 when I felt the same way.

But my goal is no longer to survive, it's to THRIVE - to bloom wherever I'm planted and find joy along the journey and not just hope there's some joy at my destination.  That doesn't mean that I've adopted an unrealistic, sugar-sweetened view of life, because the journey itself is difficult - LIFE is difficult!  When you add the challenge of losing weight to the other challenges you're facing in your life, it can seem like it's too much sometimes, unless you've embraced a "thrive, not just survive" attitude.

This weight loss journey can be one of the most important journeys of your life, if you'll let it.  While I was losing my 126 pounds, I saw a lot of things change for me internally.  How I thought about food changed, how I reacted to the stuff of life changed, how I felt about myself changed, and most important, my relationship with my Heavenly Father grew.  

Several months into my journey, somewhere in the fall of 2007, I told my husband that I had a sense that this journey was about a lot more than just me losing weight.  I told my husband that I felt like God was somehow going to use this in my life for more than just getting me to a healthy weight.  I had no idea what that might be, but I knew (and I know) that God doesn't waste any of the experiences in our lives, if we allow Him to work in and through them (and us).  So I had an attitude of expectation as I continued moving towards my goal and really embraced the idea of looking for joy along the way.  

I set a lot of mini-goals to keep me excited about the journey, and I celebrated as I reached each one.  I didn't attach a date to the mini-goals, because I knew that I had no control over how long it would take my body to drop the weight - I could only control whether or not I stayed on plan.  Reaching each mini-goal recharged my batteries just a bit and propelled me on towards my next mini-goal.  Along the way I looked for and celebrated all of the non-scale victories (like realizing that my thighs no longer touched when I walked!), and I continued to commit my journey to the Lord.

What I didn't realize was the way that my own journey would encourage so many of my family members and friends to begin their own weight loss journey.  I've seen my husband, my son, my son-in-law, both my parents, my sister and some of my closest friends lose weight and get healthy.  It's so exciting!  That excitement continues as I talk to people every day who are now losing weight and getting excited and optimistic about their life.  Over the past 5 years of working as a health coach, I've had the privilege of helping several hundred people get healthier - what a joy!

My encouragement to you today is not only to stay on plan, but to THRIVE in the process!  Look for joy on the journey, and don't be surprised at the changes that will happen in and to you along the way - watch for them :-).  Those changes will happen one day, one meal, and one choice at a time.  Choose wisely :-)

Taking the Scenic Route or the Autobahn?

My husband and I do a lot of traveling these days - both because of our business and just for fun (although we love what we do, so all of our travel is really for fun!).  Sometimes we fly due to time constraints or distance, but whenever possible we like to drive because we love road trips.  When we have time, we stay off the interstate and are on the lookout for all of the hidden treasures we miss when we're on cruise control at 70 miles per hour.  We love to stop and take pictures along the way, talk to people, and try fun, local restaurants.  We don't always have time for a leisurely drive, but it's fun when we can.

There are other times, of course, when we are focused on getting where we need to be and set our GPS to get us there as quickly as possible.  The route we take depends on how fast we want/need to get to our destination.

I don't know about you, but once I finally decided (REALLY decided) to lose weight, I wanted to reach my goal as quickly as possible.  I wasn't interested in taking the scenic route - I wanted the autobahn.  I'd done the "count points" program three different times, none of them particularly successfully, and the thought of doing a lot of work and getting maybe a half-pound loss per week for the effort didn't appeal to me at all.

I didn't want a "make it up as I go along" plan, either - I'd done that a zillion times.  You know - the "I'll just eat less, watch my portions and make better choices" plan, completely unstructured and for me, completely unsuccessful.

This last and final time (thank the Lord, it really WAS the last time!) that I decided to lose weight, I wanted a proven system. I wanted something that was fast AND safe, and I wanted something that would not just get me thinner, but also healthier.  Take Shape for Life/Medifast totally met the criteria and then some! 

When we're going on a trip and time is of the essence, we study a map and find the shortest route from Point A to Point B, or we plug the destination into our GPS and select the "shortest route" option.  Once we have our route in place, we stick to the route and ignore the signs that advertise attractions ten miles off an exit en route.  It's not that the attractions aren't interesting, but we have a destination to get to and we're focused on getting there as soon as we can.

Those off-plan foods are the attractions ten miles off the exit . . . if we veer off course and take the side-trip, we're going to waste a lot of time and delay getting to our destination.  When it comes to getting to a healthy weight, we need to stay in the express lane with no exits between the time we get on and our goal.  

Are you on the autobahn today or are you taking a leisurely route to get to your goal?  The choices you make determine the route you take.  Choose wisely :-)

Untangling "Nots"

One of the things that I have almost no patience for is untying knots.  When things seem to be hopelessly knotted, my first inclination is to just toss them rather than deal with the frustration of patiently working out the tangle that resulted in a knot.  I have a couple of fine gold chain necklaces that knot very easily, and every time they do, I give myself about a minute to get the knot out before turning the chain over to my patient husband (who also spent 40 years as a jeweler).  

What do we do with some of the other knots in our lives, the ones that are spelled "nots" ?  You know, the "have nots", "can nots" "do nots", "will nots", "may nots", "could nots", "would nots", "should nots" and especially the "would nots."  I think most of us have a lot of "nots" that need to be untangled, not with our hands, but with our minds and our attitudes.  So many of these "nots" are nothing more than concepts that can get in the way of us reaching our goal. 

Ever thought that I "cannot" stay on plan because (fill in the blank)?  That's a "not" that needs some work!  How about the "this plan might work for others, but it 'will not' work for me" not?  Yep, that one needs some work, too.

When I started on Take Shape for Life/Medifast just over six years ago, I had a lot of "nots" to untangle:  a post-menopausal woman "cannot" lose weight; I have no willpower and "will not" be able to do this program; I "could not" ever get into the same sizes I wore in my 20's; I "may not" be able to reverse the diabetes and other health issues I had from over twenty years of obesity.

These "nots" didn't untangle all at once, but slowly but surely, over time, they DID untangle.  These weren't the kind of knots I could hand over in frustration to my patient husband - I had to learn to untangle them myself, one at a time.  There were other "nots", too, that came up later: I "will not" be able to maintain my weight loss, etc.  More untangling needed :-)  It wasn't always easy, but with God's help, they untangled.

Do you have some "nots" that need untangling today?  Don't be discouraged - over time, it WILL happen, one day and one choice at a time.  Hang in there, and choose wisely :-)

Food to Die For

I love food.  There are very few things I don't like.  One of my successful Take Shape for Life friends has challenged herself to only say "love" when referring to God or people and talks about "enjoying" food instead of "loving" it.  I think that's a great attitude and I aspire to truly think that way, but when I'm honest with myself, there are a lot of foods that I love to eat.  There have been times when something is so over-the-top delicious that I've said, or I've heard someone else say, "that is to DIE for!"  What we mean, of course, is that the food is beyond-description yummy.  

Because I've described food as "to die for" on numerous occasions in my life, I was interested to see an article posted on the internet a while back with the title "7 Foods to Die For."  Naturally I had to check them out!  The seven foods were an assortment of some of the latest menu offerings at national chain restaurants, including a milkshake that is over 2,000 calories!  The foods listed weren't in the article because they were delicious beyond description "to die for," they were listed because these are the types of foods that are literally killing us.  Another menu option on the list of "to die for" foods was a huge hamburger with all of the fixings nestled between TWO grilled cheese sandwiches (the sandwiches took the place of the bun).  The food industry seems intent on finding new ways to help us put on weight, clog our arteries, and raise our blood pressure and blood sugar, and far too many people are lining up and shelling out money to do just that.  

At a time when more people are obese than at any other time in history - HISTORY!! - and when excess is celebrated in so many circles, those of us on Take Shape for Life/Medifast are truly doing something counter-cultural.  We are lowering calories, temporarily limiting options, and learning the difference between full and satisfied.  We are also learning what it means to make new and better choices by staying focused on what we want - a healthy, thin body.

There are a number of things I would die for - my faith and my family are at the top of that list.   There are also things I'm not willing to die for, and food is at the top of THAT list!  After losing 126 pounds on this program and maintaining my weight loss for over five years (thank you, Jesus!), I know that I am no longer digging my grave with my fork.  I enjoy food, and I may even kind of sort of love it (sometimes), but die for it?  Never!

There are so many food choices out there, and some are literally to die for.  It's up to each of us to decide for ourselves what we'll choose, and the choices we make are based on what we decide is most important to us.  Choose wisely :-)

Mid-Year Check

Happy July!  I can hardly believe we just turned over another page on the calendar, and even more unbelievable is that we are now half-way through the year!

I'm a planner, a list maker and a goal setter, and since I always make New Year's resolutions, the beginning of July is the time for reassessment of those goals and resolutions.  It's a time to see if I'm on track for the year or if I need to make some readjustments if I want to accomplish the things I listed on New Year's Day, or I may determine that other priorities have pushed one of those resolutions off the table for this year.

Some of you may have started on 5&1 (or restarted) right after the first of the year, vowing that THIS is the year to finally lose the weight and get healthy.  January is the time when many Americans, bloated from the holidays, make resolutions to lose weight - it's one of the top resolutions people make.  The health clubs and gyms see a spike in attendance and the air is filled with good intentions and resolve.

Six months later, most people haven't kept up with their resolution and are back to the same old habits, waiting until the next January 1 rolls around to make yet another resolution.  It's not that they wouldn't like to lose weight and get in shape, but it's a desire, not a commitment.  If they could wake up one morning and have the weight gone, they would be thrilled (wouldn't we all?), but they aren't willing to put in the time and effort required to get there.

Because you're reading this, I know that you have committed time, effort, and some of your finances, towards getting healthy.  You've gone far beyond making a nominal resolution - good for you!  

My question to you is:  are you on track to reach the goals you've set for yourself?  Some of you are rocking this plan - you're committed to staying on plan and you figure out each day exactly how to do it.  It's not always easy, but you're keeping your eye on the prize and not letting anything get in your way.

Others of you struggle.  You want to lose the weight, but you find yourselves stepping off plan over and over again, to your own frustration.  This blog is really for you today!

We are half-way through the year - it's half-time, time to regroup, review our game plan, then get back into the game!  Don't allow any failures from the first half of the year to keep you from reaching your goal in the second half of the year!  

Write down all of the reasons you want to lose weight.  It doesn't matter if it's a big reason or a little reason - write it down!  Then spend some time thinking about why you go off plan.  If you tend to go off at the same time every day, or when you're around the same people, zero in on that and figure out why, then make an adjustment.  Write a description of what you will look like and feel like when you're at your goal weight - be descriptive and put in as much detail as possible.  Don't be afraid to dream big about being small!  What kinds of things do you want to do when you reach your goal, perhaps things you're not able to do now?  What size will you be in?  Make your WHY bigger than any obstacles you face.

Once you have done this, commit to staying on plan for 5 days straight, no matter what!  That will ensure that you're back into the fat-burning state, and that's where the magic happens :-).  Once you're into the fat-burning state, your hunger drops and your energy goes up and your body begins to target the areas where you store fat to get the energy you need.  It's a beautiful thing and it's exactly how the plan is designed to work.  

Stay connected to the support available here, stay on plan, and you'll have to figure out a new resolution for next New Year's, because losing weight won't be one of them!

You can do it, and reaching your goal is worth it! You'll get there one day, one meal, and one choice at a time.  Choose wisely :-)