Still a Foreign Language - Kind Of

I am coming to the conclusion that making healthy choices will always be a bit like speaking a foreign language. With practice, it becomes more and more natural, but I'm not sure it will ever be my "mother tongue." This time of year is just plan tough - there's no other way to put it.

This is my second holiday season in maintenance, and it's not getting easier. Food temptations are everywhere and my "fat girl" taste buds are still alive and kicking - ugh! I wish I could say that making good choices all the time is second nature to me now, but that's not quite the case. Sometimes I just get tired of asking myself "what do I REALLY want?" because I am momentarily convinced that what I REALLY want is whatever is on the plate in front of me! I would like to get to the point where I'm not tempted any more, or where I am always focused on making healthy choices. I would like to be in a place where maintenance is always easy and always fun.

I hope nobody is disappointed to read that I'm struggling a bit right now, and it's OK if some of you are even relieved :-). I am committed to being as honest as I can be here in the hopes that if I honestly share my thoughts and my own journey, perhaps my experiences will resonate with someone and be helpful.

Because I've been "speaking this foreign language" for over 2-1/2 years now, I am getting better at it, but 100% fluency isn't yet on the horizon. What IS getting better is my ability to recognize when I've gotten off track and then rein things in again. I weigh myself every day and have my drop-dead number that mandates action. I also don't have anything in my closet that doesn't fit, so my clothes help to keep me honest. When I'm bumping up against my "drop dead" number on the scale, and/or when I have slacks getting snug, I know what it is I need to do. I would like to get to the point where I never, ever bump up against that number, and I would like to never again pull on a pair of slacks and find them more snug than I want them to be, but I'm not there yet.

In the midst of struggling a bit, there are some real victories. Yesterday I dealt with a very stressful situation, something that created a fair amount of turmoil for a while (thankfully, the situation was satisfactorily resolved a few hours later). For a brief moment, I really wanted to just eat, and I didn't want to eat anything healthy. Thankfully, I didn't have anything in the house that would have satisfied the cravings I had and I also recognized that I was dealing with a knee-jerk reaction to the stress. I took a deep breath, prayed a bit, then fixed some Medifast beef vegetable stew for my lunch.

Between now and Christmas Day, I'm sticking to five Medifast meals and a healthy lean and green. My reason for this is two-fold. First, I don't like the fact that I have been bumping up against my "drop dead" number on the scale lately, and I have a couple pairs of 6's that are snug (they all zip and button or snap, but they look and feel more snug than I'm comfortable wearing). I know that a short course of 5&1 will quickly remedy the scale and slack issues. Secondly, sticking to 5&1 from now until Christmas will keep me away from the "other stuff." I know that I don't do well once I start eating sugar, and there's enough of that stuff around (not in my house, but everyplace else) to keep me in a sugar-induced stupor for the rest of 2009. Being on 5&1 makes it easier for me to not eat the stuff - no need to deliberate over the choices.

Choices are never more challenging than they are this time of year, and every day brings a whole new set of challenges. Stay focused on what you REALLY want, and choose wisely :-).