Submitting to the Process

Two weeks ago, just prior to my surgery, I found myself filled with a lot of anxiety.  The anxiety wasn't just in anticipation of what I knew would be a big surgery and a painful recovery.  I was also anxious because I knew that being in the hospital and the recovery time at home would involve needing a lot of help from others.  I am a pretty self-sufficient, independent person and while I love helping other people, it's hard for me to be in a position where I need help myself.  I think that's called false pride :-).

I shared some of these concerns with a close friend of mine who gave me some very wise words of advice.  She told me to submit to the process and stop trying to fight it.  She's a nurse and informed me that, yes, I WAS going to need a lot of help and that there were a lot of people who would be there to provide the help I needed.  I needed to choose to allow them to help me.

That ended up being profoundly good advice!  I made the decision to leave the ego and self-sufficient attitude at home and truly submit to the process.  That was a good decision because I now realize that bringing those attitudes with me would have only made me (and possibly others) frustrated, and fighting what was obviously needed would have sucked energy that I frankly didn't have.

Since being home, it's been hard to always ask my husband for help because I feel like such a bother . . . not that he's ever made me feel that way!  My wise friend asked me if I would feel bothered if I was the one helping and I told her "no;" she then challenged me to question why I thought I didn't deserve the same level of care that I would give others. 

This recover process is turning out to be a learning process for me as I continue to learn to let go of self-sufficiency and truly, graciously welcome the loving support of family members and friends.  So often we somehow think we aren't worthy of "bothering" others.  Especially for those of us who are women, we were raised to put everybody else first and it feels selfish when we find ourselves in need.

The truth is that we ARE needy people.  We DO need the support and help of others.  And it's OK for us to ask - and expect - support. 

For those who are on the weight loss phase of this journey, it may feel a bit selfish sometimes.  You are spending money on a program for you, you are likely cooking differently for your family and perhaps avoiding some of the old, favorite restaurants.  You want and need the support of the people around you.  All of this - ALL of this - is OK! 

Recognizing that this is a time for you is an important step in this process.  This is your time to recover from months or years of being overweight or obese and during your own recovery process it IS about you :-).  That doesn't mean that we stop caring about others, of course, but it does mean that it's OK to articulate what you need and to make sure your environment supports your success.  Let go of those feelings that tell you doing so is selfish.  Let go of your own inclination towards self-sufficiency and reach out for the support you need. 

Choose to submit to the process . . . the whole process.  Staying on 5&1, getting support - needing support!  There are lots of choices to be made on a daily basis . . . choose wisely :-)