What a Party!

I had a party yesterday, but it wasn't very much fun.  The sun was shining and it was really beautiful outside, the kind of weather that usually puts me into a great mood.  I'm always up for a good time, so normally when I throw a party, everyone has a great time and a lot of fun.  Not yesterday.

Thankfully, the attendance at yesterday's party was really small - just me.  Yep, it was a full-blown, not very pretty, pity party.  Ugh.  I haven't had one in a long time, but that doesn't mean I was past due and decided to hold one to make up for not having one in a while.  This one really snuck up on me.  Being tired from two busy days, including Thanksgiving, probably didn't help, and I'm sure some of the extra food (including sweets) didn't help my mood, either.  Maybe I should have seen it coming, but I didn't.

It all started innocently enough.  I got on the scale yesterday morning, saw it was up three pounds and decided that two days worth of eating pretty much whatever I wanted was enough.  I made the decision to add in a couple of extra Medifast meals for the next two or three days and to cut out all of the extra stuff.  Simple enough.  I've done this often enough to know that it's no big deal and I actually feel better when I'm eating better, so I had a Medifast peach oatmeal for breakfast and a French vanilla shake late morning.  So far, so good. 

My brother and his family were in for Thanksgiving and staying at my parent's house (my folks live about five miles down the road from me).  My brother planned to leave after lunch yesterday, so I decided to stop by for a cup of coffee and a short visit before they left.  When I got to my parents' house, everyone was having turkey sandwiches and dessert.  That's when my pity party showed up, quite unexpected and unwelcome.  I've passed up lots and lots of food over the past 2-1/2 years, both while I was on Take Shape for Life/Medifast 5&1 and since reaching my goal.  Normally it doesn't bother me a bit.  Normally.

Yesterday I sat at the table drinking my coffee and watching everyone else eat "other stuff" and I was irritated - more than irritated, actually.  Several of the family members munching on "other stuff" were overweight and/or had health issues related to their health, but they were obviously enjoying every bite.  And there I sat - wanting to join in, yet knowing that I'd made a decision earlier that day to cut back.  I didn't eat any of the food, but I ended up talking a lot about healthy eating, which probably irritated some of my family members.  What I didn't realize at the time was that while they certainly thought I was talking to them, I was really talking to myself and reminding myself of what's really important to me - being healthy and not being diabetic.  I'm not sure that I was very diplomatic in how I said things, so I left my parents house feeling like I had behaved less than graciously, and I was also just plain mad at myself.

I was mostly mad at myself because I realized once again that I will have to be on my guard for the rest of my life.  To be sure, I never, EVER want to go back to being 268 pounds, size 24W/3X and diabetic - nothing I could ever eat would be worth that.  But I also realized again that I can no longer really eat whatever I want whenever I want, day after day.  A couple of days of less-than-mindful eating were more than enough, so while I made the decision I needed to make yesterday, I wasn't happy about it.

Anytime I start to recognize issues with eating again, like yesterday, it is a signal that something else is going on.  For me, I think yesterday was a combination of two days of not-that-great eating coupled with being tired and having a lot of things that I wanted to get done, including all of my decorating for Christmas.  When things come together in a perfect storm like that, my knee-jerk reaction is still to want to eat - and what I want to eat is NOT healthy stuff.

The good news is that my pity party was short lived and that while it spoiled my mood for a while, it didn't result in me making food choices that I would soon regret.  Doing the right thing whether I feel like or not isn't always easy, but I've also learned that dealing with regret from poor choices isn't so much fun, either.

I am committed to continuing to make healthy choices 98% of the time because I have a clear picture in my mind of what I do - and what I do not - want.  I don't want to ever be obese and diabetic again, but more than that, I want to be healthy and comfortable in my skin.  Most of the time, I stay focused on what I am creating in my life - health and a vastly improved quality of life.  When I do that, the pity parties are few and far between.  Thank goodness!!

I hope this isn't a pity-party kind of a day for you, but even if it is, you still have the choice of how you're going to respond.  Choose wisely :-)