A Look Back

It's hard to believe that it's been over four years since I started on this amazing and life-changing journey.  I had never blogged before I started this program, but I am SO glad that I decided to start blogging beginning with Day 1 of 5&1, because it's just a wonderful reminder to me of all that happened along the way.

Here's a blog I wrote on Day 6 of my journey, just over four years ago:

I'm so excited to be coming close to the end of Day 6 - still 100% on plan and feeling great!  I'm amazed at how good I feel.  It must be because I'm not over-stuffing myself AND I'm eating nutrient-dense food.  And, I have real hope and a realistic expectation that this is IT and that, in time, I will finally reach a healthy weight for me.

It's hard to imagine right now what it will feel like when I reach my goal.  Not "if" I meet my goal, but "when" I meet my goal.  What a difference six days can make!  This is the first time (as far as I can remember) that I have EVER stayed on any plan for six days in a row.  I remember being 25 and weighing 119, and I remember thinking at 119 lbs. and 5 ft. 5 in. that I was still too heavy, that my 35" hips were too big.  Groan!  I remember, several years later, postponing my annual exam by several months because I was embarrassed to get on the scale at 139 pounds.  I remember having a 21 in. waist after having my first child and still feeling fat.  How sad!  I can't help but wonder if the fact that I had such a bad self image back then somehow contributed to my horrible weight gain leading up to today.  Since I never felt good about my body, gaining weight didn't really change my body image that much, just confirmed it.  Does that make sense?

I'm trying to make sure my thinking/body image doesn't inadvertently sabotage my dieting efforts.  The truth is, back then, when I was thin (by anybody's standards), I thought I was heavier than I was, and now, at a size 22/24, I think I look smaller than I really do (I'm often surprised when I see a candid photo of myself and see how large I really am, and I usually think it was just taken at a "bad angle").  Part of the challenge I'm facing right now is finding my way to a realistic body image - facing the reality of my body today, and mentally (and emotionally) preparing for the day when the scale, my BMI, and the size of my clothes declare me "normal" once again.

In the Bible, Romans 12:1 says, " . . . in view of God's mercy, offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God--this is your spiritual act of worship."  Verse 2 says, in part, " . . . be transformed by the renewing of your mind."  This are two really good verses for me to focus on right now.  First of all, it's a radical thought that committing to taking better care of my body can be an act of worship.  Without being encumbered by my too-large body, I know I will be more free and open to serving my Heavenly Father, instead of making excuses or not having enough energy.  Secondly, verse 2 tells me that part of transformation comes through a renewing of my mind.  I need God's help for that!   I cannot do this in my own strength, but as I allow the Lord to work in and through me, His strength will be made perfect in my own weakness.  In the end, He alone will get the glory for any success I realize.

Four years later, and over three years since reaching my goal, I know that the biggest change wasn't what happened outside as I lost 126 pounds - the biggest change was what happened inside as my heart and mind were renewed.  God's strength was - and is - made perfect in my weakness and He alone gets the glory for all that has happened in my life since the summer of 2007.

This journey is truly transformational, if you allow it to be.  The choice to transform, inside and out, is yours.  Choose wisely :-)