Making Us Stronger

"That Which Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger" is a saying I've heard over and over throughout the years.  I've never liked the saying, because it implies that I'm supposed to embrace adversity, perhaps even welcome it.  Ugh!  Who wants to welcome struggles?

Well, with age comes wisdom, and I've changed my mind!  Does that mean I've learned to welcome struggles?  Hardly!  But I have come to understand that it's through the struggles that I grow, and that without those struggles that drive me to my knees, I'd be a very shallow and self-centered person.

When I was 30, I was thin and happily raising two very well-behaved little girls.  Boy, was I smug!  I had a friend who was extremely overweight and I'd think, "Why doesn't she just go on a diet?  How could anyone let themselves gain that much weight?"  And being the good friend that I was, I would occasionally offer her diet and exercise tips.  Wouldn't you have LOVED to have been my friend?  :-)  Of course, I was absolutely certain, beyond ANY shadow of a doubt, that I would never, COULD never allow myself to even approach THAT size.  Very smug indeed.

I would see young mothers struggling with a misbehaving young child and think that the mother needed a few parenting lessons, as she obviously didn't know how to control her child.  I would look at my two daughters and smile, feeling ever so smug.  I had a couple of friends with older children who would actually ask me if they could have my daughters over for the afternoon to bake cookies, etc.  Obviously my children were a reflection of my superior parenting skills.

Is it any surprise that my Heavenly Father saw that one of HIS children was in need of a bit of, um, refining? 

Part of this refining process came in a 9 lb. 10 oz. package called Joel, a surprise baby who arrived just before I was 35.  He absolutely terrorized his preschool class, threw major melt-down fits in public on a regular basis, and generally left me reeling.  An eventual diagnosis of ADHD, followed several years later by a diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome finally explained a lot of the behaviors.  In the meantime, I learned what it was like to be on the receiving end of smug stares and what it was like to have ignorant strangers dismiss my son as a brat.  And I learned empathy, learned not to make snap judgments about others, and came to understand that there may be far more than meets the eye.

Following Joel's birth, I found that I could not lose the baby weight, and I was suddenly overweight for the first time in my life.  Then I re-entered the workforce, moving this active stay-home mom to a sedentary desk job, which piled on more weight.  In my early 40's some difficult family circumstances plunged me into a deep clinical depression and I ate non-stop in an effort to numb the pain.  Long after the issues were resolved (for which I thank the Lord!), the weight I gained seemed destined to stay forever.

I lived for over twenty years as an obese woman.  I experienced the "helpful" suggestions of thin friends; I dealt with the humiliation of struggling to fasten an airline seatbelt and praying I didn't have to request an extender.  I became the person I used to criticize and judge, and in doing so, I learned empathy.  I learned not to judge.  I learned compassion.

Do I wish I could have erased the difficult parts of my life?  A few years ago, I would have said, without any hesitation, "Absolutely!"  But today my response is different.  These are not the struggles I would have chosen, but I do embrace them because they forced me to grow in ways I would not have otherwise grown. 

My weight loss journey was a bit part of my own refining process, and I eventually learned to embrace the journey.  Learning new, healthy ways to deal with stress, learning to make healthy choices were certainly part of the process.  Another important part of this refining process was connecting with others who were on their own journey to health. Some struggled and some didn't, but I learned - and I continue to learn - from all.  Those who made the choice to stay on plan and never stray inspired me to persevere, but those who struggled, fell, and then had the courage to pick themselves up and continue also inspired and encouraged me by their tenacity and refusal to succumb to discouragement. 

Some days on this journey are a struggle for sure, but with the struggle comes the opportunity for growth, if we choose to embrace it.  The choice is yours . . . choose wisely :-)

Good Intentions

I am the queen of good intentions - really I am.  Over the years I've found that my follow-through often falls apart, but wow, my intentions are SO good and so sincere! 

I realized this all over again this weekend while cleaning out a drawer in my office (the last of the drawers and cabinets in my house to be cleaned out and organized!!).  It's a pretty deep drawer and it was piled almost to the top with papers that I'd throw in the drawer, usually to clean up my office just before a guest arrived, always promising that I'd get to the papers "later."  I don't know when your "later" shows up, but mine often takes its own sweet time :-).  This weekend was my "later," and oh my . . . it HAD been a while since I got to the bottom of the pile of papers!  I'm embarrassed to admit it, but at the bottom of the pile were several Christmas cards from last Christmas (yep, it was THAT long since "later"). 

Interestingly, one of the things buried in my paper pile was a book entitled (and I'm not kidding!), "100 Ways to Simplify Your Life."  I bought the book a while ago and haven't cracked the cover yet, but I obviously had good intentions at the time about getting more organized and simplifying things.

The problem is that good intentions or even the right tools (like my book) aren't enough.  Without follow through, good intentions pile up like the papers in my desk drawer.  Tools that remain used are useless, or worse, add to our guilt because they remind us of what we intended to do but never quite got around to doing.

Everyone who started on this program began with good intentions - the BEST intentions.  This was IT - it was time to lose weight and get healthy once and for all.  This program comes with a variety of tools for us to use, and with the tools available and the ease of the meal replacements, there really isn't any reason why everyone doesn't reach goal, right?  Or ???

The missing ingredient to success for many is the follow through.  We get off plan for one reason or another (the reasons don't matter), and we mean to get back on, really we do.  We have good intentions . . . but our follow through is lacking.  Sometimes we sabotage ourselves for a variety of reasons, and sometimes we're too quick to settle for less than what we really want because we're distracted by the lure of immediate gratification. 

We have the right program, we have the right tools, and we have good intentions.  The only thing we need to be successful is follow through.  That is the choice facing us today . . . choose wisely :-)

Doing the Hard Thing

I heard someone talking yesterday about some of the heroes in our country.  Whether it was one of our founding fathers, the brave pioneers who explored space or the brave men and women who serve our country, the speaker pointed out that all were and are ordinary people just like us.  The difference with heroes is that the difficulties never deter them - they define them.  Most of them certainly didn't set out to be a hero, but when faced with challenges they didn't flinch but chose instead to keep moving forward.

We can learn a lot from heroes.  So many of us (and I certainly include myself in the "us") somehow expect things to be easy, and when things aren't easy we're tempted to bolt.  As I think about some of the true heroes in our country, it's almost embarrassing me to even compare the challenges of staying on plan to the kind of challenges these individuals faced.  Staying the course when it's hard is only possible when we have our eyes on the greater good.  If we're only focused on the here and now and being comfortable in the moment, we'll never do it because it's always easier in the short-term to focus on immediate gratification.

But there is a greater good that comes from staying on plan:  getting healthy by getting to a healthy weight.  I can't begin to describe how much this changes your life, but those who've lost weight and reached their goal can testify to the difference it's made.  Staying on plan, even when it's hard, and eventually reaching your goal just might make you a hero to your family members and friends, as they are watching and some of them may end up getting healthy as a result.  In my own family, I not only lost 126 pounds, but my husband ended up losing 50 pounds, my son 60, my mom 40 (and she got off her insulin), my dad lost 30, my son-in-law lost 65, one of my best friends lost 70, and the list goes on and on from there . . . and as these individuals lost weight, other people in their circle of influence were inspired to lose weight and get healthy, too. 

The ripple effect is amazing, and it starts with you and the hard choices you make today.  Choose wisely :-)

Picky Eating

It's a gorgeous Saturday morning in Michigan (I can't believe it's the last weekend in August!).  I'm heading to our farmer's market shortly - one of my favorite things to do on a summer Saturday morning. 

Since losing 126 pounds on this program, I've become a very picky eater.  I used to eat pretty indiscriminately - with few exceptions, if it was food, I'd eat it.  All that has changed and I'm now incredibly selective about what I eat, and so is my husband (he lost 50 pounds).  I simply won't waste calories on food that isn't wonderful, and I also won't waste calories on food that's devoid of nutrition.  Fresh is definitely my preference and I love to buy locally-grown products because I'm supporting the local economy and also getting food that is fresh from being harvested. 

So I'm off to find the freshest, ripest fruits and veggies available.  Tonight's dinner will be lean protein (not sure if it will be grilled chicken or salmon) and fresh-from-the-market veggies. 

Eating simply, eating healthy, eating fresh - that's my choice today.  What about you?  You have choices to make as well . . . choose wisely :-)

It's Friday!

How did it get to be Friday so fast?  This week has flown by!  When I was working full-time, Fridays were usually busy as I was trying to finish up as much work as possible before the weekend.  The work I needed to get done was often challenged by the reality that, by Friday afternoon, I just wanted to be done and go home and often just didn't feel like staying on task.  I would vacillate between wanting to leave for the weekend with a clean desk and the temptation to cut myself some slack and leave the work for the following Monday morning.

Regardless of what I ended up doing at work on a Friday afternoon, I came home ready to kick back, relax, and reward myself for another work week completed.  Before starting on Take Shape for Life/Medifast, "reward" always, always meant food.  My husband was a retail jewelry store manager and worked Friday nights, and once our children were grown, my Friday night food fest was a personal party for just me.  I'd opt for my favorite foods (all high calorie, high fat of course) and make sure that I had something sweet to end the meal.  I'd often stop at the store after work, tired, hungry, and on the prowl for my food rewards.  Once home, I'd fix my plate and crawl into bed for a night of watching TV and eating, only getting up to get more food.

If this sounds pretty sad to you . . . it was, especially as I look back.  It's hard to believe that what I just described was me just a little over three years ago!  But that WAS how I typically spent my Friday evenings, and by the time my husband got home from work a little before 10 PM, I had often fallen asleep, sometimes with an empty plate by my side.

When I started on Take Shape for Life/Medifast, Friday nights were a challenge for me because I not only had to change what I had been eating, but change my entire Friday night routine. 

That may be true for some of you, too.  Perhaps your Friday night routine hasn't been an evening eating in bed and watching TV, but it might be going out with friends to kick back and relax.  You do well on program all week, but Friday nights (and the weekends) are really hard because they are about unwinding and rewarding yourself for getting through another work week. 

If this describes you, I would encourage you today to make the choice to change not only what you're eating on weekends, but perhaps what you do, too.  Some people can go out with friends and easily stay on plan, but others find themselves repeatedly swayed by what their friends are eating and drinking, and weekend after weekend finds these individuals going off plan.

The time you've set aside to get to a healthy weight is now, and being on 5&1 isn't forever (although the cycling on and off program can make it FEEL like forever and definitely makes it longer than it could be/should be).  If weekends are when things tend to fall apart for you, I would encourage you to plan a different strategy today - a strategy that will support your journey to a healthy weight.  You owe it to yourself and you'll never regret it!

This is a time of learning new, healthier habits and learning to make new and healthier choices that will not only get you to a healthy weight, but will enable you to stay there.  The choice is yours . . . choose wisely :-)

Self-Sabotage

Yesterday I had conversations with a couple of friends who are struggling to stay on plan.  Both of them talked, with great frustration, about the way they seem to self-sabotage themselves over and over again without really understanding why.

I completely understand where these friends are coming from because that was exactly where I was for a long time with every other program I ever tried.  It's a miserable place to be, that feeling of being driven by triggers and emotions that we don't quite understand and finding ourselves defeated over and over again.

I'm not an expert in human behavior by ANY stretch of the imagination, so all I could do with these friends was share what worked for me when I started on Take Shape for Life/Medifast 5&1.  I was motivated to stay on plan because I couldn't justify spending the money on this program unless I was actually doing it, and that motivation prompted me to set myself up for success rather than failure.

One thing I did was to leave all of my money and my debit card (and credit card) at home when I went to work every day.  I had with me the Medifast meals I needed for the day, so when it was time to eat, I didn't have another option besides what I'd brought with me.  That strategy served me well on more than one occasion when I frankly didn't feel like having a Medifast meal.  Had I had money or my debit card with me, it would have been really easy to hop in my car and drive through a fast-food place for something that definitely wouldn't have been on plan.  Not having that option forced me to stick with the plan whether I felt like it or not!  The funny thing was that once I had my Medifast meal, I was glad that I hadn't cheated :-).

I also set up my environment for success and got rid of any and all food temptations.  I cleaned out my desk drawer at the office and cleared out cabinets and my refrigerator at home.  (Because it was just my husband and myself at home and because he was incredibly supportive of me, I was able to purge my house - a real blessing!)

Another thing I did was adopt a Stop-Challenge-Choose approach to temptation.  When I found myself craving something off plan (and yes, I most certainly DID have those cravings from time to time!), I would first look at the time to see if I was craving something because I was truly hungry and it was time to eat.  If that was the case, I had my next Medifast meal ready to go.  If I looked at the clock and realized that I'd eaten just an hour or so before, I understood right away that what I was experiencing wasn't physical hunger. I'd drink a large glass of water (since thirst can often masquerade as hunger) and then ask myself what was going on - why was I suddenly craving something?  By stopping a minute and challenging my feeling, I was usually able to identify was was driving the craving.  Perhaps I was tired or frustrated or perhaps just looking for a way to postpone doing something I didn't feel like doing . . . it usually didn't take much detective work to zero in on what was going on.  Once I understood what was behind the craving, I was back in control and able to choose the response that supported what I REALLY wanted - getting to a healthy weight.  As I've shared in the past, once I identified the real issue, I often shot up a quick "help me, Lord!" prayer, too :-).

We sabotage ourselves for a variety of different reasons, and some individuals need the help of a professional to help work through some of those issues.  My purpose in writing today isn't to figure out WHY someone sabotages, but rather to offer up a couple of strategies to make it more difficult for you to follow through when you're tempted.  My experience was that every time I successfully resisted the temptation to sabotage myself, I felt a huge sense of relief when the temptation was over.  That sense of relief was an indication to me that, on some level or another, I really DID want to be successful in getting to a healthy weight.  That sense of relief also prompted me to begin to probe at the underlying reasons why I seemed at times so bent on sabotage.  In the end, a lot of emotional and spiritual growth happened along the way to losing 126 pounds.

The reality is that we are NOT helpless victims, held captive by our whims and vulnerable to every temptation that comes our way.  Every temptation has a window of time in which we can choose our response.  Stop, challenge, and choose wisely :-)

Freedom

I'm not somebody who is naturally inclined to follow the rules.  I don't know if it's that I'm a bit of a free spirit or if I just have a real rebellious streak (or perhaps a bit of both), but I tend to want to color outside the lines and look for tinges of gray rather than black and white. 

Because of that, I found a recent story rather interesting. This story was part of a devotional that I read, and the author wrote that "Long ago my wife decided that driving within the speed limit gives her a wonderful sense of freedom.  She tells me, 'I don't ever need a radar detector.  And I never have to slow down when I see a state patrol car or worry about paying a fine for speeding.'" 

I tend to drive 5-8 miles over the speed limit and I have often felt a catch in my throat when I see a cruiser on the side of the road.  I take my foot off the gas and nervously glance in the rear view mirror to make sure the patrol car hasn't taken off after me.  (NOTE: I've only had two speeding tickets in my life and it's been close to 20 years since my last ticket.)  I'm not the car speeding down the highway going 20 miles over the speed limit, but I'm also not usually in the right-hand lane with my cruise control set at the speed limit, either.  And that does, on occasion, create moments of tension for me.

Reading the story about the woman who found freedom by following the rules - as written - got me thinking :-).  So often we think the rules are restrictive and limit our freedom when they really have the ability to GIVE us freedom.  Seems ironic, doesn't it?

That is certainly true when it comes to following the rules on Take Shape for Life/Medifast 5&1.  Staying on such a strict regime with no wiggle room can feel restrictive sometimes and there is a tendency for some of us to want to find a gray area.  We may find it frustrating that there IS no gray area with this program - no options for coloring outside the lines.  The truth is that there is great freedom by following the protocols of this program, because they are designed to make it easy.  The 5&1 program couldn't be more simple - no counting calories, carbs, fat grams or points.  All we have to do is stay inside the lines and it works!  There is great freedom in not having to figure things out every day, and that's one of the things that made this program work for me.  I loved not having to think about it! 

Following the program as written also brings freedom because we don't have to feel guilty about what we're eating.  A friend of mine recently told me that she loves not feeling guilty about food any more.  On past weight loss programs, I'd cheat and feel guilty even while I was eating the off-plan food (kind of like speeding and seeing a patrol car!).  There was never much true pleasure in eating the off-plan food because I felt so guilty doing it, and as soon as the food was gone I almost always felt regret, disgust, etc.  That's not freedom!

Lastly, following this program as written brings the long-term freedom of living life at a healthy weight - not only feeling and looking great, but also having the freedom to enjoy food in moderation and in proper portions.

How are you going to define freedom today?  The choice is yours . . . choose wisely :-)