Making Us Stronger

"That Which Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger" is a saying I've heard over and over throughout the years.  I've never liked the saying, because it implies that I'm supposed to embrace adversity, perhaps even welcome it.  Ugh!  Who wants to welcome struggles?

Well, with age comes wisdom, and I've changed my mind!  Does that mean I've learned to welcome struggles?  Hardly!  But I have come to understand that it's through the struggles that I grow, and that without those struggles that drive me to my knees, I'd be a very shallow and self-centered person.

When I was 30, I was thin and happily raising two very well-behaved little girls.  Boy, was I smug!  I had a friend who was extremely overweight and I'd think, "Why doesn't she just go on a diet?  How could anyone let themselves gain that much weight?"  And being the good friend that I was, I would occasionally offer her diet and exercise tips.  Wouldn't you have LOVED to have been my friend?  :-)  Of course, I was absolutely certain, beyond ANY shadow of a doubt, that I would never, COULD never allow myself to even approach THAT size.  Very smug indeed.

I would see young mothers struggling with a misbehaving young child and think that the mother needed a few parenting lessons, as she obviously didn't know how to control her child.  I would look at my two daughters and smile, feeling ever so smug.  I had a couple of friends with older children who would actually ask me if they could have my daughters over for the afternoon to bake cookies, etc.  Obviously my children were a reflection of my superior parenting skills.

Is it any surprise that my Heavenly Father saw that one of HIS children was in need of a bit of, um, refining? 

Part of this refining process came in a 9 lb. 10 oz. package called Joel, a surprise baby who arrived just before I was 35.  He absolutely terrorized his preschool class, threw major melt-down fits in public on a regular basis, and generally left me reeling.  An eventual diagnosis of ADHD, followed several years later by a diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome finally explained a lot of the behaviors.  In the meantime, I learned what it was like to be on the receiving end of smug stares and what it was like to have ignorant strangers dismiss my son as a brat.  And I learned empathy, learned not to make snap judgments about others, and came to understand that there may be far more than meets the eye.

Following Joel's birth, I found that I could not lose the baby weight, and I was suddenly overweight for the first time in my life.  Then I re-entered the workforce, moving this active stay-home mom to a sedentary desk job, which piled on more weight.  In my early 40's some difficult family circumstances plunged me into a deep clinical depression and I ate non-stop in an effort to numb the pain.  Long after the issues were resolved (for which I thank the Lord!), the weight I gained seemed destined to stay forever.

I lived for over twenty years as an obese woman.  I experienced the "helpful" suggestions of thin friends; I dealt with the humiliation of struggling to fasten an airline seatbelt and praying I didn't have to request an extender.  I became the person I used to criticize and judge, and in doing so, I learned empathy.  I learned not to judge.  I learned compassion.

Do I wish I could have erased the difficult parts of my life?  A few years ago, I would have said, without any hesitation, "Absolutely!"  But today my response is different.  These are not the struggles I would have chosen, but I do embrace them because they forced me to grow in ways I would not have otherwise grown. 

My weight loss journey was a bit part of my own refining process, and I eventually learned to embrace the journey.  Learning new, healthy ways to deal with stress, learning to make healthy choices were certainly part of the process.  Another important part of this refining process was connecting with others who were on their own journey to health. Some struggled and some didn't, but I learned - and I continue to learn - from all.  Those who made the choice to stay on plan and never stray inspired me to persevere, but those who struggled, fell, and then had the courage to pick themselves up and continue also inspired and encouraged me by their tenacity and refusal to succumb to discouragement. 

Some days on this journey are a struggle for sure, but with the struggle comes the opportunity for growth, if we choose to embrace it.  The choice is yours . . . choose wisely :-)